I’ve been home sick for a couple of days. Could be a cold. Could be COVID. I won’t know until I get tested which I will be tested-tomorrow.
I am vaccinated, so I’m not worried. Just uncomfortable and would like to know how long to isolate myself from friends and family. (Please, save your political commentary if you have any for someone else’s blog. I already don’t feel well. I greatly appreciate your understanding.)
I’ve been getting warm in the middle of the day. I lay down. I take naps. Today I had the clearest dream that answered some questions for me.
Immediately, I took notes on the dream when I woke. Here are those notes –
I’ve felt lost and confused lately. I feel like I’m never truly home. I’m not comfortable anywhere, and I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with myself and my life.
In my dream, I was in a house that was being watched by some friends, but it was only a pit stop for me.
I laid in the bed (in my dream) and slept. When I woke there were people sitting on the couch outside the bedroom door talking.
The couch lined up, so I could see the couch clearly, and they could esily see me. Not very peaceful. I had my phone playing some ASMR tracks, so I turned off the phone and slept some more.
I woke again to my partner’s parents on the couch. Again, I closed my eyes and slept.
I woke, and my sister was there on the couch eating nachos and watching TV. I closed my eyes and slept.
The house had gotten full, and it was all too much. I grabbed my stuff and walked to the bathroom to prepare for my journey. This was only a pit stop anyway.
I have no idea where I was going. I had a backpack, and a big camera.
I asked a woman if the house was going to be looked after while I was gone, because I had clothes in there. She said it wasn’t going to be occupied the entire time, but people would be in and out.
I worried about stuff getting stolen, and resigned myself to the task of traveling. I turned the corner and was in a car taking a right turn only narrowly missing being hit by a giant, black truck.
I heard Mike Rowe’s voice. He said, “It turned out she never really had a home leave or return to, and that’s why it never felt like home anywhere.”
My subconscious knew the source to my malaise this whole time. I am fitful and constantly wanting travel, wondering if I will ever find a place where I feel truly comfortable, because I have not intentionally lain roots anywhere.
Does this mean I should suck it up and get satisfied with where I am? Not exactly, but I do believe I should try to create permanence or establish a home base. You can’t really leave if you have no place from which to leave. If I want to feel more adventurous in my life, building a home base will give me a beacon to return to and point from which to leave.
Now, I must choose a geographic beacon.
If you are hung up on the Mike Rowe voice, don’t be. I listened to his latest podcast episode yesterday. That fact, and my undying love for Dirty Jobs is the reason my subconscious inserted him as narrator of my dream.